I hate to rant before the pending holiday but I promise to show my holiday spirit in about 24 hours. Right now, I have something to release into the blogosphere because too many 140 character tweets will surely put me in Twitter jail.

A lot of people ask me why I haven’t been married off yet. The truth of the matter is, I really thought I would’ve been married in my twenties like a lot of women I suppose. But I can honestly say it’s the best thing that never happened to me; at least at that time. I realize now that the life experiences and lessons I’ve had thus far were important for my growth as a woman. I would have certainly married someone for all the wrong reasons back then and I wouldn’t have known what I was doing—at all. And sadly, many people are marrying for questionable reasons in record numbers today. I may get married some day, but my trouble will be finding someone who actually believes in marriage. I’ll explain that later.

In general, I don’t like what I’m seeing on the relationship scene. I am taking issue with people who are disguising themselves as people who believe in committed relationships, most importantly marriage because the jury is still out on how committed one needs to be in a non-marriage courtship. Given the divorce rate and the number of people we hear about every day that have cheated on their spouses, I can only assume that many people have purposely chosen to lead this part of their lives with no authenticity.

Honestly, I believe many folks are walking down the aisle who don’t actually believe in marriage. And quite frankly, some lost souls just want a wedding and a party. Others may love certain perks that a marriage can bring, but I think if one spouse wanted an open marriage and the other spouse was okay with it there would be a lot of open marriages. Huh, now there’s a term for you! Open marriages? For real? Why get married? In addition, I also feel some of these non-believers already know they will cheat on their spouse before the ink is dry on the marriage certificate. I’d like to encourage these people to live authentically and guilt-free.

If people really think about what marriage entails and took a lie detector test on whether they believe in certain aspects of marriage, including the vows, I think many will fail. There is so much infidelity going around that I have oddly started to question if human monogamy is natural. Maybe we’re forcing ourselves to be with one person—forever. Only three percent of about 5,000 mammal species have monogamous bonds according to one statistic I read. Maybe it helps to explain—in some small way—the high divorce rate.

Another reason for the high divorce rate can also be attributed to those people who give their significant others ridiculous ultimatums to coerce them into marriage. If one is receiving pushback about getting married chances are the other person doesn’t really want to be married or they have serious reservations about marriage that shouldn’t be ignored. The person will probably feel like they’ve been strong-armed and because of fear of losing that person they may simply give in to their bullying tactics. But, that’s no excuse; the ultimatum recipient must bear some responsibility for allowing a pressured marriage.

In general, people aren’t staying true to who they are not so deep down inside and I would really like to know why. You only get one life so why not be your authentic self? As I like to say, if you’re a whore, be an authentic whore. If you’re a gigolo, be an authentic gigolo. Own it. Claim it. Be proud of it. You may find others who are just as open-minded and prefer to go through life roaming, untamed and unhinged to anyone. And honestly, I don’t know when this happened but I’m okay with this being someone’s preferred lifestyle. I’d actually give them praise—yes, praise—for being who they are. Authentic. (I’m sure you’re tired of reading it, but “authentic” is my word for 2010.) I guess I have more respect for those who are straight shooters and confident in the skin they own no matter how uncomfortable their behavior may make some people.

As long as it doesn’t affect me, a person who does believe in commitment/marriage, I have no issues with people spreading their junk around. I think that as long as they’re being sexually responsible when doing so and not claiming to someone else that they’re the faithful type, then so be it.

So no, I’m not married off yet. And I won’t be until I believe that special someone is a believer of the institution of marriage and they are, yes, authentic.

Happy holidays, everyone!!!

#love #men #women #relationships #marriage #communication