Let me start by saying, I may not have always said this so openly, but I’m doing so now because rumor has it that men think we don’t really need them. Not only will I always want a man around, I’ll always need one, too.

Some women, myself included, have said the words ‘I don’t need a man!’ at some point in their lives. In thinking about it now, it is the most ridiculous statement I could have ever uttered, and I am encouraging fellow women to acknowledge the same. I think women tend to shout out this statement like some sort of protective shield from admission to a real emotion.

I've recently been paying more attention to not only my own masculine energy, but the M.E. from other women as well, including other races. And ladies, I am seeing a piercing level of M.E., and it's not good. Here's one small example. Recently, I sat near a couple at the Sox game, and the woman snapped at her husband or significant other and said that they were not leaving yet because the game wasn't over. (Those who've been watching the Sox this year know that the game was over before it even started.) They had three children with them ranging in ages from 5-10 years old (approximately). I noticed that one of the kids looked somewhat embarrassed.

Maybe there were other things underlying or that's just the nature of their relationship, but the outburst made me cringe, especially since there were many ways that she could've gotten that message across. However, she did it in an emasculating way among strangers. He was the quiet, demure one while she was enraged. He was actually still rubbing her back. Maybe that was his calming effect seeing as though she didn't say another word. Or maybe he decided when/where/if to fight his battles. Still, it made me sad, and I secretly wanted him to "check" her in the same way: publicly.

In the course of a couple of weeks, I've seen men give up their seats for women of varying ages on the bus, and one time too many the woman's response was, 'That's okay,' or 'No, I'm good,' or 'I don't need to sit.' Now, certainly in these situations maybe they really just didn't feel like sitting because their stop was coming up soon, or maybe they were grossed out at the endless DNA possibilities in a CTA seat, or they simply didn't want to take the man's seat from him. This bothers me. It bothers me perhaps more than it should. But, it does. Maybe it's because I don't often get to witness that kind of gentlemanly behavior, and it's refreshing. Also, I feel like what woman are really saying is: I don't need you. Please ladies, just take the seat. In some cases on the CTA, the man got up anyway, and the woman sat down.

I remember another situation on the bus where a middle-aged black man gave up his seat for an elderly white woman. The man kept saying, "Ma'am, ma'am sit down. Sit down, ma'am!" For whatever reason, she appeared reserved. He was practically begging her to sit down. Watching her hesitation irritated me. She wasn't exactly in a position to control her own body had the bus thrown her all over the place. And hell, no one wants to see an old woman fall on the bus. I don't know if she couldn't believe he was giving up his seat for her or what, but I remember he had to do a little more convincing than I was comfortable watching. It caused me to wonder, unnecessarily I suppose, if she were afraid of him.

The bus situations are just small examples of women giving men the false impression that we don't need them to do anything for us. I'm sorry, but I don't care if I have on tennis shoes or heels, I need and want you to give me that seat, to open my door, to walk on the moving car side of the sidewalk, to carry my luggage, etc. It's part of my attraction to you. Am I not going to date someone if they don't do these things consistently? No, I wouldn't say that, but most of these things are automatic for some men. While opening the car door is significant and appreciated, it's not necessary for every occasion. However, making me carry something heavy may cause me to have a M.E. outbreak.

Granted, some women will say they don't need their doors opened or any of those other gentlemen-like qualities, but I'm inclined to believe that this is because they haven't had the pleasure of being showered with such activity. Perhaps it's old-fashioned to some men, and quite frankly, some women, but I find them to be nice gestures.

At any rate, back to needing and wanting a man. I can tell that many women really don’t want to be alone, even though they like to say that they're fine by themselves. Some of them are eating their lives away, drowning themselves in reality television, overusing vibrators, and who knows what else.

There are plenty of us who've had some really bad relationships and may feel like the last thing we want is a man. Believe me, I've been there. In that situation, take a little break. Regroup. Then, get back in there before cobwebs take claim to your anatomy. When it comes to love, relationships, and simple dating, you just have to dust yourself off and ride again.

Aside from the obvious personal needs, I think most women would love for a man to do the following: Take the car in for repairs. Better yet, fix the car. Fill the car up with gas. Carry the groceries inside. Take the trash out. Bring home more bacon. Or, bring home all the bacon. Eat the leftovers. Connect the electronics. Read beside us in bed. Tickle us if you like. Snore if you must. I could go on, but you don't want me to.

Calm down, men. I know you excel in other areas. Believe me, I'm not working against you. I'm on your side.

#love #men #women