I was going through some old photos and came across a photo of my mom's old car that was totaled when she was struck head on by a semi-truck not long after I started my first year of high school. I don't recall a whole lot about that time ... only bits and pieces along with the realization that my mom almost died in that accident. In fact, when people saw the car they couldn't believe she survived.

God spared my mom. I'm not sure why, but I'd like to think it was because of me. I think He knew that I wasn't strong enough at that point in my young life to survive without my mom. She was all I knew.

I remember being afraid to see her when I went to the hospital. She had all kinds of cuts and bruises to her face, her neck was in a brace, her leg was in some sort of contraption, I remember screws in places where screws shouldn't be. I remember her trying to look like she was doing okay just for me. Trying to be brave for me. Trying to smile for me. She knew I was scared seeing her that way. She knew her incredibly shy child didn't know what was happening and didn't know how to react. Her effort to give me a smile when she was in so much pain meant the world.

My mom and I recently talked about the accident, both trying to remember particulars. I reminded her that she sat on the couch with her crutches nearby, her neck still in a brace, and all her other injuries still evident, and she snapped photos of me and my boyfriend, Sean, before we headed to homecoming. Her friend, Vicki, told me only a few weeks prior that she'd taken me to get my dress for homecoming, because my mom was still recuperating. I have no memory of that. I do remember how much I loved that dress though. I was walking around in a fog-like state much of the time, dealing with the reality that my mom almost died.

It'd always just been me and my mom. Yes, I had my grandmother, aunts, dad to a certain extent.. But the day to day living was just my mom and me. I was with her all the time. She and my dad were never married and were never really together for any serious length of time that I can recall. My mom is/was everything.

My mom recently retired, and I started thinking about all the things she's done for me over the years. She raised me alone and without much assistance from my dad. She worked hard and often more than one job to take care of me. She made sure I always had my own space, my own bedroom. I'm sure there were times when we probably could only afford one bedroom, but she worked hard so that I always had a room. This may not sound like a big deal to some, but for me, it's everything. It's why I live my life a certain way today. My mom provided me with the space I needed. She gave her shy child a place to go of her own to dream, to write, to hide. It's why I understand today that being alone with yourself, with your thoughts is sometimes an absolute must. If I'd had siblings in the household, I may have never had that. I think it's important, because at some point in all of our lives, we are going to be alone. It's rare that we die together with our significant others, our spouses, our parents, our friends, etc. Not to sound all morbid, but the majority of us will more than likely die alone.

I didn't know it at the time, but it's a gift to learn how to be alone early in life. However, I do recognize the curse in that as well. Sometimes you can be so comfortable being alone that it's hard to allow someone in your space.

A few things that come to mind when I think about my mom:

My mom is the one who took a bite of the cookie, so I'd think it was Santa who came and gave me a bunch of presents.

My mom is the one who bought me all the dolls a little girl could want, and she made sure I had dolls of different races. (That is really significant. There aren't a whole lot of parents who think to do this.)

My mom is the one who watched me open up all of my gifts on Christmas day.

My mom is the one who made sure I went to all the right schools.

My mom is the one who taught me about fashion and who bought me the best clothes she could afford.

My mom is the one who made sure I always had plenty to eat.

My mom is the one who surprised me with a car that I didn't ask for.

My mom is the one who encouraged me to attend modeling school and was my biggest supporter when I was modeling. She wasn't that concerned when I dropped out of college. She later said, "You always liked school, so I knew you'd go back when you were ready." I did go back and now I have a bachelor's and a master's degree.

I love you, Mom.

All of your years of hard work hasn't gone unnoticed ... well done!

Congratulations and Happy Retirement!!!

#mom #grandmother #singleparent #daughter #love #family