I try really hard not to regret things in life, choosing to embrace my missteps and learn the lessons that inevitably come from them instead. But whenever I think about my grandmother I can't help but to think about the missed opportunities to soak up more of her wisdom and to ask her some pretty basic questions. Oh how I wish I had asked more questions. A lot more questions. She's really the only one who can answer them. Sure, my mother, aunts, and other family members tell me certain things if they know, but it's not the same. I would give anything to hear my grandmother tell me her story in her own words. As close as I was to "mama," I really didn't know her that well. Not like the 40-something me longs to know her. Deeply know her.

Having missed out on the opportunity to really talk to my grandmother, I now find myself making sure I ask my mother and aunts questions whenever the opportunity presents itself. I never want to overwhelm them with questions, but if there is an opening to inquire more about our family, their own histories, I try to do so. I try to make sure there is a natural progression to my line of questioning because the journalist in me gets thirsty, and let's face it, family isn't always open or ready for certain types of questions.

I feel great comfort though when I think of the many handwritten letters that I still have from my grandmother. So although I can't hear her voice anymore in real time, I can read her words and know her thoughts on that particular day in time. It also comforts me to know she wouldn't mind me asking her questions. In fact, I think she wanted me to, but I was too busy being a teenager, being a young woman prancing around Chicago, and then time simply ran out. But I believe she would've told me everything I wanted to know unapologetically in that tender voice I'll always remember. When I see her again, I'll ask her:

What are your proudest accomplishments? What do you dream about? Where did you travel? Where do you want to travel? Who were the true loves of your life? What makes you sad? What makes you laugh? What do you think about this world? What was my grandfather like? What were my great grandparents like? Where would we be if you never settled in Omaha? How would your life be different if you never had children? What gives you the most pleasure?

There are many more questions of an intensely personal nature I'd ask her, but that's a start.

We should make it a point to talk to our elders while they are still here. Whether that be grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles. There is a wealth of information and knowledge at our fingertips that we're not tapping into. We should know more about our loved ones as people. . . living, breathing, human beings that hurt and experience joy in ways we may never know about unless we ask. We will learn something of significant value about them and about ourselves if we just ask. Some of our family patriarchs and other family members may not be ready for our questions, but some are just waiting for them.

#family #grandmother #wisdom #life #love